Surprises of Motherhood

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Whether I'm having a good mom day or a not so good mom day, I feel like I am constantly on a learning curve when it comes to everything motherhood.

I've always known that I wanted to be a mom, ever since I can remember. Before Kensington was even a tangible thought I knew that one day I'd have a baby and be completely content in being responsible for a tiny, perfect life. But no matter how much you try to prepare yourself, motherhood of course comes with a few surprises.

Like the fact that despite being more tired, physically and emotionally, than I ever thought I could be, I have also never felt stronger. It's a weird feeling knowing that someone is relying on you so completely, and regardless of the exhaustion, something inside you reminds you that you have a little person who needs you and only you. That strength comes from deep within and it is powerful and it is wonderful. And although it is something that I always knew I had, I never knew that being a mom is what would bring it out of me.

I have also never felt more like I have a purpose. I've always had jobs and hobbies and things that I've enjoyed doing. But one surprising thing that motherhood has done for me is truly given me that feeling of, "ah, this is what I'm meant to do with my life". I'm meant to love our sweet tiny baby with every piece of myself. I'm supposed to teach her to be kind, smart, and accepting of others. And I'll continue to have jobs and things that are just for me, but I will always feel most like I am doing what I'm meant to do when I'm doing things for her.

I'm surprised (okay, not really surprised) by the fact that I am literally afraid of everything now that I'm a mom. I'm terrified of the impending giant earthquake that I see in stories on our LA news channels. I'm scared of every hiccup, cough and sneeze that Kensington has, especially if for some reason they don't sound the same as other sounds she's made before. I'm nervous when she sleeps, and when she's in her carseat. I'm a MESS here people! A happy, nervous mess of a new mom.

I've never been more tired, or strong, or content, or scared, or happy in my entire life. Every day motherhood surprises me and every day I feel more like this is where I've always been meant to be.

2 comments:

  1. I love this! It's amazing what you learn about yourself on this journey of motherhood! It's absolutely amazing and chaotic at the same time.

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