Five Ways My Goals Changed After I Got Married

Friday, May 06, 2016


When I decided to get married at twenty, it seemed like everyone I knew was worried about my decision. It was clear that what Daniel and I were doing was going against the norm, and everyone wanted to know, why? It wasn't uncommon for people to share their concerns with me, as if it were any of their business, that I wouldn't be able to reach any of my own goals now that I was choosing to connect myself with someone else forever. As if suddenly, I would lose sight of myself in my marriage, that I would ultimately become so wrapped up in my life as a new wife that I couldn't possibly do any of the things I talked about wanting to do. 

But the thing people didn't understand was that my dreams didn't disappear when I got married, they were simply adjusted. They changed to fit my new lifestyle and to the person I wanted to become. They didn't simply go away, they just evolved, and I'm here to tell you how.

My focus turned from how I could better myself to how we could be better together. The choices I was making became more about what would be right for the two of us then, and for our future. School remained a priority, hello graduation on Monday! Because I knew that in the long run the hard work I was putting in would be beneficial for our family later. 

I still wanted to see the world. But now my searches that usually went something like, "best places to travel alone in your twenty's" changed to, "must see locations for couples". I still want to adventure, and now I'll always have a partner to do it with. 

A career became just slightly less important. As I mentioned above, that did not mean that my education took a backseat to anything. It just meant that when I looked ahead I usually pictured things like our family and our home, and although I plan to work and want to do something I love, my career will never come before my family. And that's exactly the way I want it to be. 

Saving money finally became a pressing issue for me. It's easy to justify going out for drinks twice a week when it's just you and your friends. But when you have someone else working towards a similar goal, like paying rent, suddenly the thought of staying in with some movies and dinner at home is a lot more appealing. 

I've worked twice as hard to maintain friendships with people I truly care about. In any relationship it's not uncommon to get caught up in the newness of it and lose sight of the other relationships in your life. When you get married it's no different, I mean you (hopefully) married your best friend, so why wouldn't you want to spend all your time with them? But one goal I really put effort into was keeping the relationships I had before Daniel. Everyone needs a little girl time now and then! And even though we're at a point in our lives where everybody is doing their own things, I never lost sight of the people that meant the most to me. 

Getting married at any age doesn't mean that you lose sight of who you are as an individual. If anything, I've grown more confident in my goals because I've got someone by my side supporting me through them all. 

2 comments:

  1. I like that you fostered your friendships even more after you got married. You're right--while you married your best friend, it's important to have other friends too!

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  2. I have a good friend who got married when they were both 19, the summer after her freshman year at college. Everyone thought they were crazy, but they were clearly soulmates! I think finding time to be apart and be your own person is important. She was in college and he was working, so they had really different lifestyles. But they made it work! I never could've gotten married so early in life, but it's obviously possible :)

    xoxo
    Danielle
    www.afloatonafullsea.com

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