Monday, September 21, 2015

Put Your Past Behind You


We all have those friends. The ones who become part of the family and make you wonder how you were ever not friends. They spend all their time with you, start calling your parents mom and dad and do everything with you that a sibling probably would. You might even fight a little bit, but never seriously enough that it could break up what you have. But what happens when that friend decides you're no longer important enough to be in their lives. They slowly start inching you out until suddenly its like you never knew each other and you start to question all those years that you were so close. 

Has this ever happened to you? It has to me. In high school I always had two best friends that I could count on like family. Until suddenly one of them didn't want that anymore and with no reasonable explanation (still to this day) she just dropped me out of her life. I blamed myself, but when she did the same to our other friend I knew it must have been something going on specifically with her. In many ways I felt that it wasn't fair, she had already made such an impact on my parents and my own siblings. We all celebrated countless birthdays and milestones together, and even offered to let her move in with us when things weren't going right in her own family. She wasn't just leaving me behind, she was leaving them behind also. 

I hadn't thought about her much in awhile, until my mom came across some old pictures the other day. She only sent me the ones with me and my other friend, who are still as close as ever. But she worried that if she sent me the ones with al three of us I would be hurt, or upset. And she was probably right. Five years after high school and thinking about that friend still makes me mad sometimes. At this point I've still never gotten an explanation as to why we become so unimportant to her, and how after all that time she was okay with simply letting us go from her life. This isn't to say that I didn't try, because I did make the effort to understand what happened, and was pushed from that as well. 

But it's been five years, and at this point I should be moved on from it right? They say that you should forgive people as quickly as possible And as far as I've come from how mad I was at her in the beginning I would say I've definitely made progress towards that. But I also think it's important to accept the fact that some people are going to hurt you in a way that makes it much, much harder to simply forgive and move on. And that's okay. 

These days I feel more sad for her than anything else, but I'm also grateful towards her because I feel like this situation has helped me grow so much. At first I felt like I had to be extra careful in choosing my friends, like maybe they would all turn around and do the same thing. But after awhile I realized that she made that decision for reasons we never have and probably never will understand, but that doesn't mean anyone else would do the same. To this day I still have my best friend (the third girl in the story) and countless other people who I can count on. And I feel lucky. I've learned from her and from the things in my past, and I think that some people in your life are really there just to teach you something. 

So if you're ever in this situation, my advice to you is don't shut down from others. Learn what you can, and accept people for who they are. It's okay to feel hurt, but also feel grateful because things in your past happen for a reason, and if they teach you something important about your life and yourself, than thats the most important thing of all. 

2 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean, I have a close friend that I have known for 15 years and things just aren't the same. She started pushing me away years ago and it has never been the same.

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  2. You've perfectly described situation in my life :( In high school I had three very close friends and suddenly our friendships ended. (I know the reason, though- they wanted to get high all the time and I didn't, so they picked drugs over our friendship.) Recently my husband's former best friend, who MY family has treated like a brother/son/grandchild for +5 years, suddenly decided he didn't need any of us and walked out. My parents were devastated and my mom tried to hold on, which only made me mad. Losing "family" really sucks, but it makes you all the more appreciative of those who never leave.

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