Injury and Insecurity

Wednesday, April 22, 2015



Today I’m going to get a little more serious with you guys, and share something personal about myself. I have a relatively serious neck injury that began giving me problems right around last March. Although I can’t be positive about it, I think it was caused by (what I thought to be) a minor fall down the stairs at my grandparent’s house. They have carpeting on their staircase that is so slippery and walking down them in socks was just asking for trouble. But it was first thing in the morning and I didn’t think anything of it until I slipped backwards and landed on my butt, hard. In the process, I think I gave myself some kind of whiplash. For the first few months I didn’t experience any pain, until slowly it started to creep in. I used to crack my neck, a lot, and suddenly I wasn’t able to crack it at all. I tried to avoid it but the fact that I couldn’t crack it all of a sudden made me literally insane, and as the months went by I developed this habit of constantly moving it to try and get it to crack. Probably doing further damage in the process. I started seeing a chiropractor that did little but temporarily fix the problem, and by that I mean I would get an adjustment and within 30 minutes I would feel pain again. X-rays show that I somehow lost the curve in my neck. I have pretty bad posture on top of all of this so I’ve been working hard to correct it. After realizing that this particular chiropractor might have been doing more damage then good, I went to see another doctor. He has been able to help me more then the previous doctor. At times I have been able to hold my adjustment for as long as a week and a half. But overall its a very tough situation and when it hurts all the time I feel the need to consistently move it, which gives people the impression that I have some kind of twitch. I spend so much time in the car that by the time I drive from home to school my neck is so tired that laying it down and putting ice on it is the only thing that helps. At 22 years old, this absolutely scares me more then anything else. It’s almost been a full year at this point and I haven’t gone a day without it hurting to some degree. Anything can set it off like bad nights sleep, walking too long, being in the car, or flying on an airplane. It makes it difficult to participate in things because I get nervous that it’s going to hurt too much and I’ll ruin something for everyone else.


At 22 years old I should have the free ranging ability to do anything and everything with my body, but lately I feel so limited. I get scared that there is no permanent fix and that I will constantly be in pain no matter what. I get sad that it’s going to upset Daniel if there are things that I cant do, and I never want to prevent him from doing anything, although he is always here for me no matter what, so my insecurities are in my head. I want to be adventurous but I feel like I have to place myself in some type of bubble to protect what little amount still feels good in my neck right now. Although I feel fear, I also feel hope. Hope that ill find a permanent solution, or that I’ll wake up and it won’t hurt anymore. I get embarrassed by the way my neck moves, but I hope people will give me the chance to explain before they jump to conclusions on what might be wrong with me. I also feel like I have no reason to complain, because so many people have it worse then me, but I'm hurt too. It’s easy to sit behind a computer and play pretend that everything is all right all the time, but sometimes its not. I am confident that I will overcome this, but sometimes it’s nice to put all your negative feelings on paper (or computer) and get them out there so you can get past whatever it is holding you back. Whether it’s a physical or emotional thing, there’s always something out there to help. If you’re dealing with anything similar I hope you keep your positivity and hope, because without that it’s going to be a heck of a lot harder to overcome whatever battle you might be facing.

2 comments

  1. Neck & back injuries are the worst :( They can throw off an entire day or week (or adventure). I'm sorry you're dealing with these issues- you absolutely have a right to feel sad and hurt out loud. Back problems run in my family and when I was in 7th grade I hurt my back when I picked up my dog. I've been in and out of chiropractors, then 4 years ago I totaled my car and fractured my vertebrae. I'm ok and it healed, but every now and then the soreness creeps in or a get a shooting pain through my spine. Stay strong- you'll get through this!

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  2. Thank you so much! I am glad you recovered from your injuries, it helps keep me positive knowing other people get through stuff like this all the time! :)

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